When you experience possible passive-aggressive behavior from someone for the first time, avoid jumping to a negative conclusion. When we avoid personalizing other people's behaviors, we can perceive their expressions more objectively. People do what they do because of them more than because of us.
Widening our perspective can reduce the possibility of misunderstanding. On the other hand, if the individual has clearly shown a pattern of passive-aggressiveness, employ any combination of the following action steps as appropriate:. An openly aggressive person is direct in words and action, which makes him or her more predictable. A passive-aggressive, on the other hand, hides a knife behind a smile. He or she operates on a hidden script, and you never know when you might be disenfranchised by his or her covert machinations. When confronted, the passive-aggressive will almost always deny responsibility.
The rest of the time, keep a healthy distance. Some people try to change chronically passive-aggressive individuals through time-consuming dialogue about their behavior. Such efforts are admirable, but often end in frustration and disappointment. As mentioned earlier, reasons for passive aggressiveness are complex and deep-seated. A passive-aggressive person changes only when he or she matures and becomes more self-aware.
The best way to deal with passive-aggressives is to focus not on changing their attitude and behavior, but rather solidly taking charge of your own. There may be an urge to "strike back" overtly by arguing and using pointed language, or worse yet, by becoming passive-aggressive yourself. Neither approach is helpful, as the passive-aggressive will likely respond to your overt accusations with denial and claims of victimhood, and to any passive-aggressiveness on your part with even more covert hostility.
Humor is a powerful communication tool. Years ago I knew a co-worker who was quite stuck-up. When appropriately used, humor can shine light on the truth, disarm difficult behavior, and show that you have superior composure. In " How to Successfully Handle Passive-Aggressive People ," I explain the psychology of humor in conflict resolution, and offer a variety of ways one can use humor to reduce or eliminate difficult behavior.
Tolerating passive aggression will only encourage the negative behavior to continue and intensify. Let yourself, not the passive-aggressive, be the one who sets the tone of the relationship. Whenever possible, formalize your daily communication with the passive-aggressive by either putting things in writing, or having a third party present as witness. Keep a paper trail of facts, issues, agreements, disagreements, timelines, and deadlines.
Ask the passive-aggressive person probing or clarifying questions to gather information and fact-check. Review previous communications and documentation to substantiate your position. Avoid making accusations and statements that begin with you , which are more likely to trigger defensiveness. For example:. Again, document everything; fact-check; and establish your credibility with your command of evidence regarding the issue. When appropriate, include the person in discussions on challenges and solutions. Solicit their input. Ask, for example, "Given the desired outcome, how would you handle this issue?
Since passive-aggressive individuals operate covertly, they will almost always put up resistance when confronted on their behavior. Denial, excuse making, and finger pointing are just a few of the likely retorts. Regardless of what they say, declare what you're willing to do going forward. Importantly, offer one or more strong consequences to compel the passive-aggressive to reconsider his or her behavior.
The ability to identify and assert consequence is one of the most powerful skills we can use to "stand down" a passive-aggressive person. Effectively articulated, consequence gives pause to the difficult individual, and compels her or him to shift from obstruction to cooperation. Although passive-aggressive people are not pleasant to deal with, there are many effective skills and strategies you can employ to minimize their damage and gain their cooperation, while increasing your own confidence , composure, and problem-solving prowess.
All rights reserved worldwide. Copyright violation may subject the violator to legal prosecution. The problem with all this is that people label others passive aggressive just because the other person doesn't give them what they want. I mean, who hasn't been on the receiving end of an ignored email? Or more than one? Calling that passive aggressive pretty much makes the term another buzzword like co-dependent.
Relationships don't happen in a vacuum and most of us aren't psychologists. So how do we know we're dealing with passive aggression and not just someone who doesn't want to do what you want them to do? People own their own lives. That doesn't make them passive aggressive. I've found that a lot of people just won't take No for an answer. Just because the wife asks the husband to fix a faucet and he doesn't want to -- why does her request trump his desire to do what he wants for a while? Truth is -- it doesn't.
Passive aggression, when applied to everyday situations, is a red herring. You have a request from one person to another. Deciding the person asking has the high road and the person refusing is passive aggressive is just ignorant. Pop psychology of the worst sort. Repressed memories, anyone? Where was it implied her request trumps his desire to do what he wants for a while? I missed that, and I want to understand where that comes from. In the scenario you described, you only expressed the people's desires.
There is no passive-aggressiveness there because the behavior isn't present. She wants him to fix the faucet. He wants to do something else. That's all you covered. If he says, "Nope, I want to do x,y,z right now. Saying no doesn't mean you're passive-aggressive.
If the husband said, "Sure, honey!
That meets the definition posed at the beginning of the article. This is a short article with limited scope. It's directed at someone who is noticing passive-aggressive behavior and giving them advice on how to communicate with the person more effectively. That's all. How is passive-aggressiveness useful? If the husband agrees to fix the faucet and doesn't, then the faucet doesn't get fixed. So the wife asks him again. He's probably just trying to relax and doesn't want his wife coming in and asking him repeatedly about the faucet. It doesn't seem like either of them are getting what they want out of the situation, the wife because she won't take no for an answer, and the husband because he is being passive-aggressive in response.
In the example of a wife wanting the faucet fixed and the husband agreeing but not doing it, the wife would be reading this article. She has noticed he keeps saying he'll do it, but then he doesn't, so she's reading this article to see how to approach the situation better. Meaning, she who won't take no for an answer will be changing, which would certainly be helpful to the husband.
Give the Passive-Aggressive a Chance to Help Solve the Problem If Appropriate In the dynamic proposed, the husband agrees because he feels the wife won't take no for an answer. That means he feels he doesn't have a voice, just as the author said. The wife reads this. She tries the question the author proposes, instead of doing what she did before she asks, "The faucet is broken, how would you handle fixing it?
He said he'd rather call a plumber. She has a reason for him wanting to do it, and he has a reason for wanting to call the plumber. Husband: "No, I don't want to take the money from our new TV savings. Does the faucet really need to be fixed? I'm tired from work and want to relax. Wife: "Well, it's dripping all the time. I'm concerned about the water being wasted, and the sound is bothering me. Can you fix it on your next day off? Husband: "I want to spend my days off doing insert activities here. I'd rather pay the plumber.
She wants him to fix it, and maybe he absolutely won't. She probably won't like hearing this, but she'll know where he stands now. Basically she can call a plumber or fix it herself. Who knows, maybe he'll tell he about his "plumbing repair" book and she'll be empowered to fix it herself. Or maybe they'll just call the plumber. Maybe when she is willing to listen to him and he is willing to be honest, the faucet would be repaired.
The faucet would be fixed and maybe both of them would get to relax. If someone who won't take no for an answer is receiving passive-aggressive behavior, utilizing the tips in this article would help them stop acting like that. Sounds like a good thing to me. But here's the next Q Does she allow her man to say No or does he have to LIE to get her off his back? What's so hard to figure out?
Just follow the entire interaction and look at the history of interacting. How many husbands are just gonna say Yes when they mean No unless there's a reason for it? Are they all insane? Pathological liars? Lazy bums? PA behavior is learned by being frustrated in one's efforts to communicate with a someone who refuses to really hear. If this hypothetical husband said he'd fix this faucet but he knows he's not going to, that is, in fact, passive aggressive.
If she gets sick of nagging and, instead of involving him in the decision, takes it upon herself to call a plumber and spends part of their TV budget without consulting him, that would also be passive aggressive. Maybe this pretend couple had deeper issues. Maybe she's not concerned about the faucet at all.
Maybe she's resentful of his down time and is being passive aggressive herself in even asking. Maybe he doesn't want to admit that he doesn't know how to fix the faucet. Maybe she broke the faucet and he thinks she ought to suffer for it. Even if you think it's justified, it's still passive aggressive, and it's still harmful to everyone involved. No one is getting their way, and the faucet is still broken. Man you're flinging that pa label around as if you have a clue what you're talking about.
Where did you get your armchair degree again? Psych U? Yeah, it's almost like humans are complex or something, huh? And just for the record, I earned my degree sending in box tops from specially marked boxes of frosted flakes. She would not ask if there wouldn't be a reason!
It is easyer to get done it herself than to ask someone. If she have asked than answer properly, so she knows without guessing "what now"? It is not a sollution if he says later, but than one moth goes, second month goes She is also tired. It has become so easy for men - they have only work, but women have to work, prepare, clean, take care of children and so on, so on. When they change situation men are those who can not stand. You are way too far from perfect, so stop teaching others. Everyone has right to live like they want.
I don't disagree with you, Anonymous, but all those mind games! It's so tiring. No is wrong when it is repeated because it represents a wrong attitude eg; I have been at work all day so I do not have to help in the house. As in my ex who saw a similar attitude in his father , identified it as wrong and then did it himself; the ultimate lack of self awareness. I know exactly where my p-a stems from: the term in my household was "children are meant to be seen , not heard", I grew up thinking my opinion and feelings were not a matter of importance and since I grew up with a minister father that often drank , putting up a happy front became second nature.
I never learned how to argue or express my feelings until I was angry and most times I was angry because I felt pushed around. I felt, my being "nice" was a gift often times taken advantage of and when I finally gained the strength to speak up , I'm not taken seriously The odd thing is I'm not a shy nor timid person , I actually have a magnetic personality but I know "when I don't feel like talking to anyone " I simply don't. I don't understand why that is a problem if I want some space.
If I give the next person their space , why shouldn't I have mine? I don't want to be petty or argumentative, so I retreat, and no pun intended, but I let it pass. Directly refusing a request is an example of assertive behaviour. A passive-aggressive individual would be someone who routinely agrees to a request, but fails to carry it out. Furthermore, when confronted about it they will typically react by either denying that the request was ever made or denying they agreed to do what was asked , or make excuses for why they did not do the thing they initially agreed to do. A passive-aggressive individual is identified by behavioural patterns, not one-off incidents like you described.
You have this a little wrong. There are two types of people; think of the flight or fight response. Those that fight are the ones that will be direct, yell to get their point of across, get heated in an argument, etc. Those that would have fled in response to a threat , years ago deal with things, well, passive aggressively. That fact that you wrote this tells me you're a fighter. You'd be the one your partner tells to calm down in an argument. Your partner would tell you you're being unreasonable while maintaining their composure in an argument.
Except they're not maintaining their composure, they've fled. Leaving you to argue with someone that's shut down which only makes you angrier. There's a list of things that happen over and over consistently and predictibly depending on whether on you're a fighter or a flighter. It's not righ or wrong, good or bad, just that way two different types of people respond to their environment based on their perspective instinct to conflict.
Objectively comparing Unity and Unreal Engine
There's a list of things that happen over and over consistently and predictably depending on whether on you're a fighter or a "flighter. I think that's a bit of an over- simplification. We all have both flight AND fight instincts. Our individual life experiences have much to do with how those urges manifest in our day-to-day. We also have the ability to change the way we react to things. Anonymous02 gave a good example of passive-aggressive behavior, and some good examples of how to handle p-a behavior.
Passive-aggressive behavior is a way to express hostility indirectly or covertly. Its sneaky hostility; its plausibly-deniable hostility. It involves deception: that whole description of "the knife behind the smile" really nails the concept. Another example would be a passive-aggressive supervisor who on the surface seems to think well of Joe, an accountant in his department: "Great job, Joe; the boss will be pleased with this financial analysis of yours. The supervisor actually dislikes Joe and would like to fire him, but can't find any legitimate reason to justify firing Joe.
So the supervisor passive-aggressively, or covertly begins to undermine Joe's reputation as a good accountant and analyst, making it easier to fire Joe sooner or later, while still appearing to like Joe to his face. Its not easy to handle such a situation, when a supervisor is willing to risk his own reputation in order to seriously harm yours, but, I think if Joe asks the big boss if he can turn in his next report to him directly, it might be worth the risk.
That may be the scariest form of passive aggression, conscious and deliberate and meant primarily to cause harm. I think one big piece missing here is in defining the power structure. It's beta behavior vs alpha behavior. A man wanting to lie on the couch and having to lie to his wife to do is just pathetic. Discerning our own motives would be a refreshing change for most people as well. When you aren't getting what you want from someone ask yourself if you should.
Are you respecting their boundaries? There's a label for that too. There are different forms of passive aggression. Not all have to involve direct hostility to fit the description. Also, "neutered by wifey? Actually, from what I read, it does indeed have to involve hostility or there is no 'aggressive' in the passive. Not to nitpick, but I think the propert term would be "spayed. I appreciate the sentiment. You reacted to this very well, joey. You chose to disengage. Engaging overtly hostile individuals is not constructive, because their intentions and actions are evident and not deceptive, like passive-aggressives tend to be, so no real intervention is needed if their actions and ill intent is put on plain display for all to see.
And may I add: what a cheap trick to seek to emasculate a man that is civilized and mindful of decent interpersonal or intimate relationships with females. Really tired. Your assessment of the setting for this behavior coincides with my understanding of human behavior. Before I was hospitalized and syndicated, facing the normative injustices of modern life, I was quite identifiably hostile; still am to a severely diminished degree.
Going to college with the goal of doing well , and interacting in groups with a identifiable power structure, gave me the 'tact' to know when to back down; even if I didn't agree. Speaking of aggressive: I noticed that you use causality thinking to justify the actions of people. What everyone seems to have failed to realize in this is that marriage is one of two things. You love someone so much that you will spend the rest of your life with them. You love someone enough that you won't kill them when they viciously go after everything you own.
He's not subjugated by 'wifey', he's indoctrinated by a tradition that is, at best, outdated. I would go as far as to consider it a joke, a bad one, and the couple unspokenly realized it's just more convenient to deal with the person down the path of least resistance, than to legally claw away at each other's possessions. Everyone should have a prenup, and be allowed to cosign on different ventures that come along in a relationship. They can assume joint ownership of the facut. This still ignores any sanctity of marriage, but maybe if it were examined from a rational perspective it would gain more favorability, at least, in my eyes.
Here is really the obnoxious situation that spouses complain about: the moment when you realize that your partner is avoiding going along with you using some passive aggressive response. And you need to stop yourself reacting with anger and frustration, to be able to think…and do what is best for your peace of mind.
- How to Spot and Deal With Passive-Aggressive People | Psychology Today.
- Der Uses-and-Gratifications-Ansatz (German Edition).
- Pre-increment or post-increment in C/C++ | Embedded.
In a marriage, you need to be able to accept the aggravation of doing honest emotional confrontation. When people are unhappy with some aspect of the shared household chores, it behooves to each one to confront the other about the difference and negotiate a better result. A person in this situation needs to invest some emotional capital, time, patience and other resources to be able to negotiate and get to a shared decision…Implicit here is that you acknowledge that having consensus with your partner is important for your individual satisfaction.
Well, scratch all that. We are back into childhood territory, where using the passive aggressive shortcut allows him to express some negative feelings doing smart obstruction of your planning. Throw into the pot the satisfaction that revenge provides, and you can see why passive aggression is the winning choice!
Here we can answer with the first choice: ignore as many of the passive aggressive games as you can. Remember one of the principles of Whale Done: reward good behavior, ignore bad behavior. So many times is easier to slam the door, go to the movies by yourself, go shopping, visit a friend, and leave the battle ground instead of engaging in a lost battle. Besides, you have the opportunity to remember how much fun you can get from normal activities otherwise forgotten in your daily life!
What if the situation is such that you need to confront? If so, you need to control yourself: avoid raising your voice, yelling or crying.. And say little, but whatever you say, it has to be something you can follow through later. I have too many calls of women in their 50s, telling all the complains about him, but they accept that they continue doing their part of household chores as if they were satisfied with their marriages.
What the message is to remind you that you have choices, that some choices are better than others, and that using your choices you can recover your personal power. It seems passive-aggressive is being used to label people who don't 'go along' when they 'should. To the above poster, has it occurred to you that you're in a simple power struggle? You want what you want and if you don't get it then the other person must have a problem.
Create lists, bibliographies and reviews: or. Search WorldCat Find items in libraries near you. Advanced Search Find a Library. Your list has reached the maximum number of items. Please create a new list with a new name; move some items to a new or existing list; or delete some items. Your request to send this item has been completed.
APA 6th ed. Note: Citations are based on reference standards.
Play Mode iteration flow
However, formatting rules can vary widely between applications and fields of interest or study. The specific requirements or preferences of your reviewing publisher, classroom teacher, institution or organization should be applied. The E-mail Address es field is required. Please enter recipient e-mail address es. The E-mail Address es you entered is are not in a valid format. Please re-enter recipient e-mail address es. You may send this item to up to five recipients. The name field is required. Please enter your name. The E-mail message field is required. Please enter the message.
Please verify that you are not a robot.
- The Expositor’s Bible: The Epistle to the Galatians.
- Three proposals for the C standard WG14 | Hacker News.
- Las Fronteras Del Mundo (Spanish Edition).
- Pointers in C by Hrishikesh Dewan PDF Download - Beginners Heap;
- Parte 9: Cursos variados (udemy, inglés) - zopusalawyky.ga.
- Twice Loved, Twice Lost;
- Pointers in C by Hrishikesh Dewan PDF Download - Beginners Heap.
Would you also like to submit a review for this item? You already recently rated this item. Your rating has been recorded. Write a review Rate this item: 1 2 3 4 5.
Pointers in C: A Hands on Approach
Preview this item Preview this item. Series: Expert's voice in C. The goal is to help programmers in wielding the full potential of pointers. In spite of its vast usage, understanding and proper usage of pointers remains a significant problem. These basic building blocks will help both beginners and advanced readers to grasp the notion of pointers very easily and clearly. The book is enriched with several illustrations, pictorial examples, and code from different contexts Device driver code snippets, algorithm, and data structures code where pointers are used.
Pointers in C contains several quick tips which will be useful for programmers for not just learning the pointer concept but also while using other features of the C language. Chapters in the book are intuitive, and there is a strict logical flow among them and each chapter forms a basis for the next chapter.