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But, with the rise of the internet and with fetish moving from. In part one we explained how self-control and curiosity were important qualities for dominants. And, in part two, Fetish. But is that necessarily a good thing? BDSM piercings and tattoos. Looking for a curvy female ass to worship and play.


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I need a thick set of thighs and ass to worship and go to any lengths to pleasure. I also would love my cock worshiped and want to try having my a Necrophilia roleplay. I'm from East anglia and i guess my specific fetish is that i like the idea of someone using my "corpse". I'd love to play dead as someone uses me Kinky Couple. We are a couple. She is a Bi Dominant and prefers playing with women and couples.

He is straight and enjoys watching His Wife flogging, and domi English English Deutsch. Log in. Username or email. Keep me logged in. We have read and agree to the GTC in particular the section on the power of attorney for the owner of the respective email address. I have read the Privacy Policy PP. I agree and consent to the processing of my data in accordance with the PP. Specifically, this also applies to the circumstance that sensitive data regarding my sexual orientation or preferences is processed.

We both have read the Privacy Policy PP. We consent to the processing of our data in accordance with the PP. Specifically, this also applies to the circumstance that sensitive data regarding our sexual orientation or preferences is processed. Login with Facebook. Risk and everyday life. Health, Risk and London: Sage. Society, 6 1 , 67— Walklate, S.

Risk and criminal victimisation: Nettleton, S. The sociology of health and illness A modernist dilemma? British Journal of 2nd ed. Criminology, 37 1 , 37— Office of National Statistics Smoking habits in Wallis, J. Great Britain. Qualitative Research in Psychology, 6, Towards a critical realist approach to voluntary — Health, Risk and Society, 7 4 , — Watts, S. Doing Q-methodology: Peritore, P. Brazilian party left opinion: Theory, methods and interpretation. Qualitative A Q-methodology profile. Political Psychology, Research in Psychology, 2, 67— Wilkinson, S. Feminist contributions to Peterson, A.

The new public critical health psychology. Murray Ed. Critical health psychology. London: Palgrave St. From a select review of critical psychology literature, it is demonstrated how, culturally and academically, mononormative discourses are often reproduced entwined with normative gender discourses, rendering both discourses as potentially inseparable. This presents a problem for celebratory discourses — which often present non-monogamous relationships as liberatory and revolutionary challenges to mononormativity — because they fail to account for the potential influence of gender discourses.

Gender discourses may have implications for ways non- monogamous relationships are practiced, thus the aim of this paper is to explore the potentially complex intersections of non-monogamy and gender. Eight face-to-face semi-structured interviews were conducted with five female and three male UK swingers. From this analysis, the paper concludes that when normalised monogamy is challenged, the potential for liberation offered by non-monogamous sexual practices can be constrained by hegemonic notions of masculinity and femininity that circulate in talk about non-monogamous sexual practices.

In turn, this produces a set of contested identities which celebratory discourses of non-monogamy fail to account for. Previous research on non-monogamy legitimating particular sexual practices, and has mainly focused on polyamory e. This paper focuses on one such swingers. Buss, , and suggests constraints on such potential disruptions. This reproduces men discourses, because they overlook potential as predatory and animalistic, and women as complexities which may arise at intersections implicit passive receptors to male sexuality, of non-monogamy and gender, and instead which to an extent, is a dehumanising and I attempt to examine these complexities over simplistic dichotomy.

In socio- within a culturally gendered mononormative cultural terms, gendered mononormativity is context, and what are the implications? FDA enabled me tionings function to establish gendered to consider intersecting and interwebbed norms which then influence gendered discourses, and to consider issues of govern- subjectivities Hollway, This is gender, one question that might be asked is useful in this study because, as Parker whether these gender constructions have suggests, FDA is political in nature and, implications when they meet non- therefore, more suitable for politically monogamy.

Only website administrators context of the interviews, to consider the responded — one banning me immediately, implications of these kinds of differences in the other three granting advertising permis- the operation and production of power in sion. From the advertisements, the research. I received nine responses all from one website. From 16 potential interviewees from Doing discourse analysis the website, one was too far away, four FDA emphasises the omnipresent power responses came too late for inclusion in the relations embedded within discourses or study, and four stopped communication discursive practices Parker, ; this after the initial contact.

To on key points and absences in the literature, deconstruct these dynamics, I used FDA to covering questions about social acceptance, identify if and how my participants self-regu- monogamy, commitment, romantic love, late, reproduce, resist, produce, and re-regu- and rules and boundaries. In each interview, late discourses, and how these functions a broad question asked about how partici- construct self-identities and connect to wider pants decided to start swinging. I transcribed social institutions. This is why Oliver et al.

In my analysis of these inter- purpose of withdrawal. I think they the event distress was triggered. After tran- ought to wise up and accept nature. Consent forms were B: It means the female genuinely prefers the locked separately from data to protect confi- larger male with a larger male genitals because dentiality. He naturalises disruptive potential of swinging and other his own interpretation of human sexuality as poly-relational practices. I asked this to all interviewees itself attempts to explain female promiscuity.

Here, Lindsay explicitly articu- Here, females lose their limited agency, and lates her desire, and her enjoyment of sex in are implicitly objectified as passive trophies a manner inconsistent with the more reac- for male celebration. Similarly, men cannot choose because she slips between two relational monogamous relationships due to their contexts, both of which appear patriarchal.

Moreover, by re- lights a focus on her own enjoyment. The implications for However, when questioned further, it tran- swinging practice means its competitive spires these are not her rules.

The most important dirty talk happens before you have sex.

Though she framing inhibits community ideals that can choose to go clubbing, apparently as a infuse polyamorous ideology, and contra- free sexual agent, her sexual behaviour dicts principles of sharing. She rapidly shifts between arguably influenced by traditional gendered subject and object positioning — a powerful discourses — the liberal logic of swinging is at agent, who dictates the rules, and a passive tension with the gendered way choice is recipient of male regulatory power.

Her constrained. This complexity continues to partner permits her sexual freedom, and this construct contested identities which celebra- is constrained by him, even in his absence, tory discourses fail to appreciate. In another interview, my discussion with These rules protect something implicitly Lindsay became focused on her partner. My inten- mativity through discursive self-regulation, tion is neither to reproduce gender, nor to which appears to be influenced by patriar- pathologise swinging, but to illustrate how chal power.

From this, the implication means the omnipresence and potency of gender she must practice swinging in a particularly discourses create complexity at intersections monogamous way, which constrains her of swinging and gender. The lynchpin to this autonomy. For example, when girls throw, lenged, the ideology of sexual liberation they throw hesitantly, which does not neces- presented by various forms of poly relation- sarily reflect less strength, but low confi- ships faces considerable challenge from the dence stemming from social messages about entrenchment of gender discourses, which the gendered use of bodies.

This paper is important because swinging is at tension with the gendered way it highlights some of the more intricate and female autonomy is constrained, which problematic complexities that arise within constructs contested identities. Bringing these to light may inform which celebratory discourses fail to appre- further research, or help inform relationship ciate.

However, a limitation of discourses of masculinity and femininity this paper is that participants are between which naturalises swinging as an arena for ages 37 to 55, so I may have a cohort effect male sexual competition in which males are which reflects more modernist views. Much sexually privileged. He also engages evolu- younger swingers may have more post- tionary discourse to produce females with modern views on gender, and may be some- some, but limited agency, which ultimately what less influenced by traditional gendered restrains female autonomy.

Lindsay positions discourses. In socially identities. The ethics of accounts using discourse analysis. Hogan Eds. Miller, M. Birch, M. Jessop Eds. London: Ethics in qualitative research 2nd ed. Baker, R. Human sperm Haritaworn, J. Animal Sexualities, 9 5 , — Behaviour, 46, — Hollway, W. Gender difference and the Barker, M. This is my partner, and this production of subjectivity. Hollway, C. Urwin, C. Walkerdine polyamorous identity in a monogamous world.

Journal of Constructivist Psychology, 18 1 , 75— London: Methuen. Whatever Jackson, S. The personal is still happened to non-monogamies? Critical political: Heterosexuality, feminism and reflections on recent research and theory. Under- Klesse, C. Contesting the terms of non-monogamy. Bergstrand, C. Oliver, D.

Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality, 3. Social Forces, 84 2 , — British Psychological Society Code of Ethics and Parker, I. Discourse dynamics: Critical analysis Conduct: Guidance published by the Ethics Committee for social and individual psychology. London: of the British Psychological Society.

Retrieved from: Routledge. Maidenhead: Open University Buss, D. Evolutionary psychology: The new Press. London: Pearson in a culture of compulsory monogamy.


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  • Sexualities, Education. Swings and Roberts, M. Related to bigotry: The repression of roundabouts: Management of jealousy in swingers in early 21st century Britain. British Journal of Libertarian Alliance. Retrieved from: Social Psychology, 46 2 , — Speaking of home socin The psychologisation of non-monogamous relationships.

    British Journal of monogamy in advice columns: Surveillance, Social Psychology, 47, — Levett, Foucault, M. The history of sexuality. Volume 1: A. Kottler, E. Parker Eds. New York: Vintage Books. Africa pp. Foucault, M. Discipline and punish: The birth of Willig, C. Introducing qualitative research in the prison. London: Penguin. Original work psychology. Maidenhead: Open University Press. Young, I. Throwing like a girl: A phenomenology of feminine body comport- ment motility and spatiality.

    Human Studies, 3 1 , — Implications for feminist practice are discussed in light of the analysis. Some have fought for its recog- children, it may be assumed that the adult- ADHD demographic would be predomi- nately male. However, many studies have not nition as a legitimate medical disorder e. Asherson, ; others have contested its Simon et al. Regardless, of ADHD amongst adult populations. Their reported prevalence rates continue to general conclusions suggest that, diagnosis increase amongst the child and adolescent and prescription rates are more equally population Getahun et al.

    For example, in Italy and New Zealand diagnosis to follow suit Whitely, On the basis of growth rate of any demographic group. As such, females only become Ussher, Moncrieff et al. Moynihan et al. If this is so it may be that women television, internet, and popular literature. Thus, the described as: aim of this study is to examine on a local … sets of shared cultural beliefs and level cf.

    In the course of making trans- Stoppard, , p. The marketisation of ADHD to adult women Methodology subsidiary of Google Woog, , YouTube Epistemology and methodology currently gains over million new users The analysis was conducted from a micro- each month, with over one trillion views in social-constructionist stance; viewing YouTube, The corpus of data represented testi- Potter, However, they also possess subtle yet part of a 28, word doctoral thesis.

    In The data was analysed in line with the phases contrast, CDA aims to make transparent the proposed by Potter and Wetherall In this way embedded within the text Fairclough, it has been said to function as an interven- As previously described, the material presented constitutes part of a larger Description of sample analysis.

    The focus on drugs was an www. These of ADHD; and 4 the fight for diagnosis. In Extract 2, Luciana uses the rhetorical device of active voicing Hepburn, ; Increase your potential Wooffitt, to present the views and The testimonies presented in the extracts all impressions of her colleagues as corrobo- support the dominant biomedical discourse rating her depiction of the difficulties she of ADHD; as well as the need for medical faced pre-medication.

    This orate her own story. And has, Luciana 5 erm, been very positive for my Luciana constructs her difficulties within the business. The rhetorical Luciana begins her blog by succinctly and device of a narrative form of accounting Potter, unproblematically presenting ADHD in its can also be seen to be at work here. Her description of having into a sequence, in a way that implies ADHD is synonymous with the way one may causality. This device works to increase the 2 All names have been anonymised. The marketisation of ADHD to adult women plausibility of an account.

    However, correlation does not 25 actually clean the kitchen afterwards, imply causation Utts, and it would, which has been, like therefore, be circumstantial to make such a 26 monumental, because I cook and I just claim McKay, Erm, also I can along with other stimulant drugs like 28 read through something all the way caffeine; but there is little evidence that they through the first time and have beneficial effects in the long-term, or 29 know what it says. And before I would effects on any presumed underlying read a paragraph, pathology that is independent of these estab- 30 have to go back and read it again, lished psychoactive effects Moncrieff, Hence the rhetor- academically ical device of category entitlement Potter, demanding.

    However, Extract 5 via the use of the rhetorical device because she does not like the side effects, she of contrast Boyett, whereby Dr Walker chooses when to take the drugs; in a similar favourably compares her medicated life with manner as one might choose to drink coffee her life pre-diagnosis and treatment. OH lives. MY GOD! The impact of this is needing to be successful career-women and explored in more detail below. As long as these was promoted as a way overcoming such discourses are hidden they also remain difficulties, as well as supporting academic unquestioned.

    By consistently engaging and occupational success. In the UK, 69 per women in conversations as outlined above, cent of women are in paid employment these limiting discourses may be brought to Office for National Statistics, ; the surface, deconstructed and challenged. A starting point might then be to are promised a means via which they may be begin publishing relevant critical literature brought back into the fold. Getahun, D. Recent trends 4th ed. JAMA Pediatrics, 1—7. Cambridge: Hyperactivity Disorder. Rationale for Changes in Polity Press.

    Arlington, Virginia, USA. Hansen, S. Storying policy: Constructions of Asherson, P. Surman, ADHD in adults. Boston, legislation. Hurwitz, T. Skultans, Narrative research in health and illness. Boyett, J. New York: Sussex: Wiley-Blackwell. Healy, D. Shaping the intimate: Influences Bren, L. ADHD: Not just for kids anymore.

    Studies of Science, 34, — Burr, V. Social constructionism. East Sussex: Hepburn, A.

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    An introduction to critical social Routledge. Castle, L. Knudson-Martin, C. Journal of Attention Disorders, 10 4 , analysis of postpartum depression. Journal of — Marital and Family Therapy, 35 2 , — Conrad, P. From hyperactive Leo, J. Social Problems, advertisments. Leo Eds. The social construction of mind. Hampshire: Palgrave Macmillan. London: Macmillan. McHoul, A. A case of attention- Dickerson, P. British Journal of floor. Discourse and Society, 16 3 , — Social Psychology, 36, 33— McKay, T. Guidelines for critical thinking: Edwards, D. Discursive psychology. Reasons, explanations and decisions.

    Canada: London: Sage. Ettorre, E. What can she depend on? Miller, T. Ritalin: Panic in the USA. Studies Review, 14 2 , — Kitzinger, Women and health Moncrieff, J. The myth of the chemical cure: pp. A critique of psychiatric drug treatment. Hampshire: Fairclough, N. Discourse and social change. Palgrave Macmillan. Moncrieff, J. Psychiatric diagnosis as a Fairclough, N. Critical discourse analysis. Rapley, How to analyse talk in pp. The pp. London: Continuum.

    Critical discourse of adult ADHD. Journal of Critical Psychology analysis. Seale, Social research methods: Counselling and Psychotherapy, 11 1 , 16— A reader. Moynihan, R. Selling sickness. New York: Pantheon. Selling Fox, S. Pew Research Centre, disease mongering. California: California Healthcare Foundation. Norris, C. European Journal of Special Needs Education, 15 22 , — The Time Use Timimi, S. Tuffin, K. Demystifying Office for National Statistics Labour Market discourse analysis.

    Rapley Statistics. A casebook of methods pp. London: Page, B. Comprehending drug use: Continuum. Ethnographic research at the social margins. Hertfordshire: Harvester Wheatsheaf. Parker, I. Qualitative psychology: Introducing Ussher, J. Maidenhead: Open University misery? Feminism Psychology, 20, Pomerantz, A. Extreme case formulations: 9— A new way of legitimating claims.

    Human Studies, Utts, J. Seeing through statistics. California: 9, — Duxbury Press. Potter, J. Representing reality: Discourse, rhetoric Wilkinson, S. Women And and social construction. Discourse and social Francis. Willig, C. Introducing qualitative research in Rogers, R. The discursive psychology: Adventures in theory and method.

    Buckingham: Open University Press. Gurn Eds. Conversation analysis and discourse pp. New York: Peter Lang Publishing. Rose, N. Inventing ourselves: Psychology, power London: Sage. Cambridge: Cambridge Woog, A. Chicago: Norwood House University Press. Simon, V. World Health Organisation. Direct-to- Prevalence and correlates of adult consumer advertising under fire. Bulletin of the attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder: Meta- World Health Organisation, 87 8 , — British Journal of Psychiatry, , — Retrieved from: Stoppard, J.

    YouTube YouTube: Press statistics. Retrieved Szasz, T. The myth of mental illness. London: 31 July , from: HarperCollins. Described variously as a theory, method, concept, lens, and analytic, it contends that one ought to attend to the various ways in which multiple identity categories e. Despite its relatively stable and widely-embraced premise, persistent debates and questions surround intersectionality and continue to inspire critical attention by scholars of gender and women. This article recounts some of the persistent debates and questions to inspire further consideration on intersectionality within discussions of feminist methodology.

    Keywords: Intersectionality; sport; methodology; development. Saunders, , p. In a text on post- talise on the instrumental value of sport and development thought, I was not surprised to to use sport as a means through which to read that a scholar had decided to cease teach lessons on teamwork, goal-setting, fieldwork in light of ethical concerns, but it respect, and conflict resolution.

    SDP did make me pause and reflect on my situa- programmes usually, but not always, take tion and research aspirations. The unre- place in lower-to-middle-income countries solved questions I persistently struggle with LMIC and attempt to align with more came to the forefront of my mind: Why did I traditional international development initia- want to go to India?

    Was I suited success, the low-cost and UN-support of SDP to represent the lives and stories given to me initiatives means that more come into exis- by the girls in my proposed project? Why was tence every year. Though considered a legal the White person status. As such, her work empowerment. This inevitably requires me provided an example of the ways in which to travel and meet with participants in a the theory or model of intersectionality research setting.

    In this article, I attempt to could be utilised on multiple fronts. I begin with a thorough discus- geography Valentine, , international sion of the concept of intersectionality as a development Baines, , and psychology way of locating the work I do within some Warner, , suggests that its utility as a larger theoretical and methodological theory is still quite strong and straddles disci- debates. The belief in the import of inter- plinary boundaries.

    Its longevity can rated by many other factors. Within sport studies, the research with attention to the spirit of inter- premise of intersectionality is nearly fully sectionality. Does its origins in Black feminist strating the utility of considering multiple thought, its inherent critique of research axes of power within their work. In this instance, intersectionality methodologically p. This issue is can be imparted as both a political and attended to in more detail below. As such, it delivered a lating a clear understanding of how it differs significant challenge to the utility of identity from previously completed work in the area politics at the time and provided a new p.

    In some ways, then, it may be seen to conceptual model for considering and better stymie new theoretical evolutions within understanding diversity among women. Black feminist thought. Or must they be considered to political, methodological, and theoretical possess marginalised identities to remain issues. I summarise and review this issue and true to the politicised beginnings of inter- several others below with the hope of better sectionality?

    These questions are necessarily teasing out the tensions that exist around related to larger questions about more intersectionality. Within the literature p. Her work attempts to identify and on sport studies, the question seems unre- describe three ways that scholars manage the solved as scholars have used the premise of complexities of multiple analytical cate- intesectionality though not necessarily the gories within their research, calling them: word itself to explore both the white anticategorical, intracategorical, and inter- masculinity of US baseball player, Nolan categorical.

    Intersectionality discrimination by Portland. They attempt to address this addressed. McCall debated among feminist academics Davis, describes intersectionality as possibly , p. Others situations that call for intersectional wonder if an intersectional analysis must analyses.

    My first sugges- tion for incorporating intersectionality into Intersectionality in SDP research the field of SDP research, then, is actually The celebration of the possibilities of sport less about using it as a methodological and of individual programmes is only begin- approach, and more about framing and ning to be matched by critical engagement documenting the work that is already being with the visions, outcomes, delivery, and done though this perspective.

    The The theory of intersectionality also allows steadfast belief in the potential for SDP one to understand how certain identities or programming reflects a primary and some- discourses can become subsumed within times uncritical faith in the instrumental both understandings of individual and move- value of sport that has been critiqued by ments as a whole.

    Within SDP academic liter- scholars such as Black for replicating ature, the issue of sexual identity remains errors found in other development initia- largely out of view, though I would argue tives. My aim here is not to review previous that this is one of the fundamental themes work on the topic, but instead to highlight that the movement as a whole seeks to select research to not only illustrate the ways address.

    The suggestions relevant in shaping the aims, objectives and I offer above about how to include the outcomes of the movement. Similarly, articles sport for development programmes, I intend and texts on conducting research and to return with more insights into the appli- research methodologies within the realm of cation of intersectionality as a method. I will sport studies, and outside of it, consistently also likely bring more political and ethical remind scholars of the importance of issues that may convince me that it is better attending to issues of multiple and inter- to stay than to go.

    Certainly attempting to understand the Correspondence complex interplay of various social identities Megan Chawansky as opposed to weighing their respective diffi- m. Gender mainstreaming in a Knapp, G. Someone who is able to be both a top and a bottom can also be a submissive or a dominant depending upon his or her mood. She or he may be a top who is really submissive, or may be a dominant with a submissive streak. Which is not to mention Then, there's its sister situation, where a dominant wants his submissive to direct everything that is done to her.

    One lesbian masochist we know says she isn't submissive at all, but once a week she visits her friends to get the snot beat out of her. Master or the like, she'll turn around and deck the bastard. We believe her! Mazel Tov! She introduced us to a friend of hers who likes to start off as a bottom: " I'll see if I can make her break the equipment on me, and when she does, I'll get at her ass. Switch In scene-speak, switches are both people and things. Electrical switches have no place in the scene unless the participants are into electro- torture.

    Usually made from willow, ash. A friend of ours likes switches made from forsythia when it's in full bloom. She loves to watch the little yellow flowers fly all over the room like comets falling among the stars that she is seeing from the last stroke. She calls it her Spring training. Seemingly, this guy has the best of both worlds. Often he is paired with another switch. This puts him in a peculiar position. Or, should he back off because he knows damned well the same thing would make him faint?

    Professional female dominants dominas Professional dominas are NOT prostitutes. If you infer that they are, make sure your hospital- ization is paid up. Pro-dominas are in the business of fantasy realization and do not have sex with their clients. They are a cross between psycho-dramatist and therapist. A domina. She must be confident enough to intuit and focus on the needs of many different personalities and strong enough pull off scene after scene with expertise and finesse. For any dominant, this is a terrific strain.

    Having to do so many times each week narrows the field of capable dominas considerably. These ladies deserve a lot of respect. Much of the best literature on SM conies from professional dominas. Many dominants, including Philip, say they make the best teachers. Fetishist A fetish is a sexual fixation on a particular object or sexual activity.

    Understand that a fixation is quite different from a preference. If inhaling the bouquet from a sweat sock worn by the Dallas Cowboy's half-back is necessary to your scene, or if you only enjoy sex while gagged with your second- - cousin's used panties, you have a fetish. The person seeking fulfillment of these quaint needs is a fetishist. Feet and panties seem to generate a great deal of this kind of obsession. The foot- slave is a classic example of a submissive with a fetish.

    He is undoubtedly right, but I stuck it in anyway while Philip was visiting the Little Master's room. In the scene, you can t take much for granted unless you are a dom in which case, you can take anything you want. Explaining sexual and gender orientation adequately would fill several volumes, but allow me to offer this modest attempt. Nope, TVs are transvestites and CDs are cross- dressers. A transvestite attempts to look like a woman, A cross-dresser likes to wear some women's garments.

    Let me make this a bit clearer.

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    The big, burly fullback with the satin and lace teddy beneath his Jersey is a cross-dresser. The girl that your cousin Norman brought to your parents' anniversary party, who turned out to be a guy which Norman said surprised the hell out of him, as well is a transvestite. Totally different than cross-dressers and TVs, transsexuals are folks who feel they have been bom in the wrong body. Unfortunately, Mother Nature screwed up. They are merely correcting the mistake. Though, if a male- to- female TS still likes women she is now considered gay even though the reverse was true in her past.

    When the transvestite is also gay this person is also sometimes called a drag queen. While forced cross-dressing is part of the scene for many submissives, only a small percentage of all transvestites and transsexuals are in the SM scene. Pronoun, pronoun, who's got the pronoun? Transsexuals are always properly referred to as if they were the gender they present and should be treated accordingly. Anything else is offensive. This rule applies whether the TS has undergone surgery or not.

    It's difficult to know what pronouns to use with some of the other gender folk. Some transvestites like to be referred to as "she" only while dressed, others like to be called "she" all the time. If you are confused about what to call someone, just ask what they prefer. There is also a very separate and distinct Gay SM scene.

    The contact we have with this scene is insufficient to let us ramble on in our usual authoritative way, so this is all youTl get from us. The principles ofloving power exchange are the same. Simple starts, safe starts All kidding aside for the moment, while It is a lot of fun, when we're doing SM, we're messing with a person's mental state. That's why it works. It is said that ninety percent of sex is in the head. When SM works well, the joy and loving that are shared have no limit. When we fuck it up. It's easy enough to do it right without having a PhD in psychology if you follow a few basic guidelines.

    The first person a good dominant learns to control is himself. Skillful, thoughtful planning, developing complete trust and sincere communication are the secret s to doing SM well. Contrary to the wealth of sadomasomythology, a submissive is not chattel, a child, nor any less a person than her dominant. She is a real person with rights and feelings, not an object or a pet whose sole purpose is to be trained and controlled for her master's pleasure.

    The submissive is also responsible for making her feelings known and maintaining genuine communication. She is going to feel a strong resistance to criticizing her dominant at the risk of spoiling the mood, The balance is fragile. The proposition of being tied down and helpless is scary as hell. It should be. Careless bondage is dangerous and the emotional intensity of a good SM or bondage scene is fantastically powerful. We are in the business of pushing limits and sometimes we will push too hard.

    It happens to all of us. Submissives, learn to be forgiving. Dominants, learn to forgive yourselves and be carefull The point of SM is to get someone to surrender her physical self to you, and, as surely as whips crack, her heart and mind will soon follow. Please take good care of these three items. People are very, very fragile beings, even you tough-guy sadists. Never be ashamed to drop the roles and the game when the going gets too rough and always be ready to offer a hug and a kiss to remind each other what this is all about to begin with. Be honest, be trustworthy, be kind, and be ever-alert to the condition of the soul you are partnered with, dom or sub.

    The rewards are extraordinary and very much worth your trouble. No set of experiences typifies their childhood or the sexual values with which they were raised. They represent the full political wing-span, with convictions aligning with every feather from left to right. They are heterosexual, homosexual, and bisexual. They are outspoken and quiet, playful and dry, thoughtful and reckless, adventurous and shy, regal and common. No one has ever found a common denominator among them save for this certain ember glowing amid the folds of imagination.

    Some can put a name and a place to the genesis of that spark, A picture, a dream, a scene in a movie, a story, a chance gesture made by a lover, or an intimate conversation overheard on the street that struck the flint and tinder of fantasy and, fostered by the wind of pleasure, grew from fantasy to sexual identity. Others cannot identify that first little fire; for these, it is as though the coals had been ignited at birth, perhaps even at conception. We frequently keep our fantasies bottled-up within us because sharing them can be scary as hell, even with one as close as a spouse.

    In exposing these intimate slices of our identity we risk judgment, ridicule, and rejection. Ideally we find partners who care enough to meet our confessions with acceptance, understanding, and even dare we hope? For in the practice of sadomasochism, clear and free communication is a prerequisite. Without it, one treads on dangerous ground. With it. In SM we learn to reveal our fantasies openly, with the understanding that self-righteousness and condescension have no place in our discussions.

    We gently and gratefully accept our mate's fantasies as gifts, realizing the courage, and often pain, involved in disclosing such intimate details of one's self. We look for a common ground between our two sets of fantasies, acknowledge the differences, and make decisions about those which we will pursue through the process we call negotiation. Then, we take that final, bold step with our lovers. We summon our skills, trust, and knowledge to bring those deep, dark, dream demons to life, discovering that reality can eclipse imagination. Everyday, from bedrooms and dungeons all over the world, people are being launched far beyond the gravitational pull of earth, possibly into other dimensions.

    To illustrate our point, we have installed microphones and a one-way mirror in the bedroom of this modem couple. Voyeurs may take the seats In the first row, but please try not to steam up the mirror, Ladies, fear not, the seats are moisture resistant. Still he didn't want her to feel she was being made fun of and covered his amusement with a gentle kiss. They were just too wild and embarrassing to teU.

    Yet her fantasies were compelling and satisfying. She gave into them night after night in the solitude of her bedroom, conjuring scenes of torture and rapture while indulging her hungry body in solitude beneath the sheets. And she never told anyone. As a young woman, Terry teas drawn to worldly, self-confident men who assumed the lead in her relationships. Consciously or unconsciously she sought another quality in the men she bedded ; they were all a tittle bit scary. Love and caring were too frequently mingled with turbulence and abuse.

    The men were bad to her and her self-esteem plummeted. It wasn't until she discovered people openly involved in sadomasochism that she began to understand her own passion. These people tempered their indulgences with respect Submissives and dominants were interdependent parts of a whole, a partnership in exploring sexuality.

    Submissives were revered, not objects of scorn. Among these people. Terry met Mark. She was immediately drawn to him. Mark's attraction to her was not only obvious, he startled her by telling her exactly what anatomical and personality traits he found so alluring. Yet, somehow, the charm, wit, and ease with which he made his observations disarmed her. He was not at all pushy and honesty rang clearly from his every pronouncement Stitt, he seemed to enjoy hovering a hair's breath away from a slap to the face.

    As they spoke, Terry found herself unable to conceal anything from this extraordinary man. In their first afternoon together she had revealed secrets that she rarely admitted to herself. With every confession, she felt a growing trust and affection for Mark.

    He accepted each as a treasure, never taking her tightly, probing gently for the pieces that lay deeper than others. He mas just as open about himself and his sexuality, encouraging Terry to explore whatever caught her interest In only a few days, Terry knew Mark better than she had known any man before.

    She knew, also, that she wanted him. Terry found Mark to be a wealth of information about the dark arts she had dreamed of since childhood- They laughed while trading sexual fantasies and admitting the teclmiques of SM that appealed to each and those that didn't. This handsome man made seduction such delicious fun! Now she prayed that her attraction had not clouded her judgment Because tonight he would plunge her into her most secret and terrifying cravings.

    If what I'm doing is too much, if you become too frightened, or if for any other reason you want me to stop, just say your full name. I will stop everything immediately, " he paused watching Terry absorb the idea, T don't want you to feel the slightest bit self-conscious or embarrassed about using your safe-word. It is a normal part of the game and I won't mind at all if you want to take a break for a while or even stop altogether.

    It is very important that you understand this. His lecture was oddly reassuring and intimidating at the same time. She stretched out on the bed trying to appear relaxed, though she was as nervous as a cat She couldn't seem to find a comfortable position for her arms. Mark let her struggle for a while, enjoying her little ordeal Finally he relented, cuddling next to her. Mark rose on an elbow to view her length: a suntanned, satin landscape of mlld-sloped hillocks, rolling one into the next, accented sparsely with fine.

    His took in every detail of her torso, crooning approval in a low, rumbling voice. His hands skimmed across her body softly and skillfully, exploring each knoR and hollow, probing, spiral-Uke the well of the navel climbing the furry rise below, drifting down into the crevice to tickle the folds there. Gentle eroticism wasn't at aU. Then, she really hadn't known what to expect She came to Mark's apartment in spite of, or perhaps because of his reputed sexual tastes.

    When he confirmed the gossip, she had been fascinated. His manner was informal yet commanding. She felt inescapably drau? It seemed to Terry that a feverish tide rose in her, following the path of Mark's hands. She shivered and her hips began to twitch beneath his fingertips. He began to massage the skin below her slit with one fingertip. The muscles there twitched and churned at his touch.

    He ordered her to spread her legs wider. Mark's fingers danced up and down the length of her labia, along the outside of the outer lips, smoothly with a fingertip, then scratching with a fingernail Slowly, tickling every nerve, his fingers worked toward the centers of her Ups, crawling ever so slowly over their crest before slipping quickly into the moist inner folds. There, in the hot wet center of her, among Terry's slick, sensitive folds of flesh. There, on the left side of her hooded bud, she gasped as his fingertip found a good spot That finger stayed there, flicking up and down, up and down, in a steady rhythm that made her flesh seem to writhe.

    With the fingers of his other hand. Mark explored the lower regions, parting her deUcate inner lips, caressing the silken folds, lingering, here and there, to trace tiny circles on the slippery surface. Finally, his fingers found the mouth of her opening and skimmed its circumference, teasing the outer ring without entering. His Jinger traveled round and round, sometimes softly, sometimes swiftly, often ever so slowly, and always the fingertip above flicked the hooded treasure at the top of her sex.

    It seemed terribly important to obey him, but Terry was losing the battle to remain still and silent. Mark was pleased. He strained with craving to take her then and there. Ciearly, she was desperate for it. He knew he could press Terry further into submission. As she dove ever deeper, he rose ever higher, riding a tide of god-Uke omnipotence, reveling in the power coursing through him. His mind seemed to expand, able to absorb the tiniest details with a crystalline precision. For Mark, this was the essence of SM. Uninformed and inexperienced minds had dubbed these sexual traditions sadism and masochism, but giving and receiving pain are only the facade.

    SM is a mystical union, enrapturing the dominant in a rush of power and dissolving the will of the submissive, granting her, in its place, the freedom to experience pure sensation.

    Books by Lenore T. Rose (Author of Safeword Magazine - Toy Stories)

    SM is sexual magic. In her condition, she would have agreed to anything. Mark rolled Terry onto her stomach and drew her to her knees, raising her ass. He spread her feet far apart and tied her ankles to the comers of the bed. Her arms were drawn back beside her legs and tied by the wrists to the same bed-comers. He slipped a blindfold over her eyes and kissed her. She was grateful for it. Mark had reduced her to an object, naked and roped, like an animal, pinned down and positioned for fucking and there Ji loos nothing she could do about it no way of escape.

    She did not notice the incongruity, aii her feelings fused, saturating and warming her. Her mind was shutting down. Thoughts came slowly. Mark positioned himself behind her kneeling between tier tethered legs. He continued to tease and caress. He leaned over her back to squeeze her breasts. Slipping on the condom, he let the tip of him bob between her thighs, slapping the wetness there. Terry's hips bucked with urgency. She wanted him in her, she needed to be filled.


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    Instead, he slapped her ass. Though not very hard, it was unexpected, A shock. There was a momentary sting, then a strange heat spread though her. Terry's hips jerked desperately and Mark matched her rhythm with stinging slaps. She was moaning on the verge of orgasm when he entered her roughly, but he haited his attack just in time to deny her that final free-falL He spanked harder as he moved within her.

    Mark steadied his pace. White-hot pressure swelled within every crevice of her body and she erupted in a pounding series of orgasms. She felt a push that seemed to come from within, driving her mind out of her body. She was beyond reason and beyond awareness of her surroundings, floating, flying free. Terry came to very slowly. She had been untied without realizing it Mark was holding her. His face, a sculpture of tenderness, was the first thing she saw when at last she could open her eyes. Mark's tips curled to a smug grin. Terry chuckled at hts gloating, but he had earned it.

    She buried her face in his chest. You might notice, though, that there's a certain detachment exhibited by Mark. Yet, her responses were so powerful he knew she could go much further. Fat chance. Without the ropes anchoring Terry to the bed, this mild scene might be confused with plain vanilla, but for certain elements that SMers will readily recognize. For one thing, Terry is both anxious and excited that she is about to try SM.

    Mark recognizes this and sets up the scene smoothly. He maintains an assertive and self-assured attitude. He is in no hurry to jump her bones. He takes his time to find out what he can about Terry and her fan- tasies. Then he goes about his business, expertly — masterfully, if you will. These are all hallmarks of a veteran dominant. Terry readily buys into his attitude; it is exactly what she wants a man to do. In making SM work, the dom- inant introduces a level of discomfort, physical, emotional, or both.

    In this case. Mark employs conflict. He orders Terry to remain perfectly still and silent. She does her best Buckingham Palace guard imitation while he diddles around with her happy factory. Mark is really good with his fingers and tongue. Terry begins to lose it. Shall I bind you to make it easier? He offers to tie her up to help her. What a gentleman! Mark lets the sexual tension build only so far, not enough to piss her off when he inter- rupts the action, but enough to unsettle her.

    She agreed to play the game and Experienced players leam to relax into bondage. Fair enough. Experienced players leam to relax into bondage. The first bondage experience sets off an internal depth-charge in new submissives and their sexual tension is stepped up another rung. The position Terry is put into plays on another of her buttons.

    She is forced into a position that leaves her completely helpless and exposed. Mark coos over her naked and excited body t ellin g her how lovely she looks.

    The Sitemap of BDSM, Bondage and sheer extreme Kink. Safeword not included.

    This isn't idle admiration, he wants to fluster her. And flustered she is, both by his praise of her privates and their vulnerability, but there is nothing she can do -- then, he starts fondling her again! Terry is struggling to reconcile her embarrassment over her exposed privates, the excitement and fear brought about by her first bondage, the delicious things that Mark is doing to her, and underlying it all, the control Mark is demonstrating over her. She chooses to trust Mark, she focuses only on him and what he is doing.

    In brain fade, one feels as if floating in water or that things are happening in slow motion. Trussed like a Christmas bird, Terry lets herself respond to the sexual teasing as Mark brings her closer and closer to orgasm. Then, all of the sudden, he whacks her. For a moment she is shocked and confused, then she feels a wonderful heat radiating into her from the spank.

    He spanks her again and now she feels the heat more readily. Mark continues the spanking, emulating a rhythm common to intercourse and it has the same effect. Terry no longer feels the swats as pain at all. Mark feels her start to come and chooses that moment to enter her, pushing her even further. The experience is so intense that Terry is transported. We call it flying, some call it melting away. This, ladies and gents, is SM. Mark takes a bow. Terry tries to curtsy, but her legs, at the moment, are made of silly putty.

    Is there any question, though, as to why we bother? For some, the ebb and flow of exchanging power is the draw. For others. Along with all the descriptives people use to portray SM: excitement, sensuality, control, adventure, joy, mystery, drama, romance, danger, and fear, almost everyone includes the same adjective: INTENSE!

    For us, the intensity ranks first. Although SM is arguably an art. SM employs mental, physical, and strategic techniques that can be taught and learned. Trust and communication Making SM work is dependent upon developing honest, sincere communication and profound trust. The thing that sinks most sexual relationships, vanilla, SM, or otherwise, is the inability to let your partner know what is happening inside you.

    Let him know what pushes your buttons, what you are feeling, and what you fantasize about. It is definitely easier to bare your body than it is to bare your soul, but giving your partner a peek at the real you has a huge payoff. Talking If you are busy hoping your partner will figure out how to twizzle your tweezle the way you like it twizzled, you will be less able to concentrate on the actual twizzling. The remedy Is talking about it. It takes a little guts, but it gets easier the more you do it.

    He loves you and will appreciate knowing what you like. Show your partner the parts of your tweezle that raise and lower your eyebrows. Let him practice until your eyebrows are zipping up and down like bees' wings. Tell him to deep-six the vice- grips, that it took three weeks before you could twizzle again without screaming. The moral is: Twust your tweezle! Tell your fwiend what it wants! You have to trust your partner to do what you like and stay away from the things that are too much. Find out what your part- Twust your tweezle! Tell ner's fantasies- are.

    Share yours. Propose your faiend what it wants! Don't you dare snicker while you are making this oath, it tends to erode trust. This is called negotiation. Negotiating your scenes is important enough that we have dedicated a whole chapter to it. Keep the lines of communication open and your creative juices ever-flowing.

    This sounds easier than it actually is. You may think you already know all there is to know about your partner and for short periods of time this may be true. However, time alters feelings. Tricks and roles get stale. New roles become intriguing. Some of the gimmicks that you used to consider outrageous become indispensable parts of lovemaking. It is too easy to fall into patterns that, while comfortable, become boring shortly.

    The important thing to remember when discussing sexual feelings is that most people are very shy about them and that the emotional impact of sexuality is very deeply ingrained in us. We would like to propose a few guidelines for communicating. Be prepared to bite your tongue in half before you laugh at his fetish. Listen carefully to what your partner is saying.

    Many people have trouble saying exactly what they mean. Accept your partner's opinions about his sexuality and himself. There is no right or wrong in the area of sexuality and emotions. Conflicting opinions are not invalid, but can present a stumbling block. Try to find a way around the hurdles rather than trying to convince your partner to agree with your viewpoint. Opening up to someone is hard work. Thank your partner for giving you a part of himself. Give him a hug and a kiss to show your appreciation.

    Then, rip his clothes off and ravage his body. No matter how strange his tastes may seem, they are things that he holds very near and dear. There are, at last count, 9, This is not the 9,, ,th one. Pay a visit to your favorite book store, health food store, or new-age center and buy one that tickles your fancy. Taste and smell are senses that should not be ignored, either. You might indulge yourself in a book on aroma therapy, too. Try this one on for size: it is designed to relax inhibitions and warm the heart: Cuddling Oil 2 fl. Jojoba or Sweet Almond oil 6 drops Nutmeg oil 6 drops Sandalwood oil 4 drops Lavender oil 3 drops Tagetes oil Stop by the grocery store on your way home, and do a tour of the aisles with an eye to items that might be Interesting to apply to the stray nipple, labia, or penis.

    Pop Rocks, jalapeno peppers, candles, chocolate 26 2 Sexual Magic syrup, clothespins, butter, toothpicks, Oragel. Sugar Pops, and fudge-ripple ice cream. If you get a smile from the clerk instead of bewilderment, be sure to take his or her phone number. Haul all your goodies home and study your tome of massagerie assiduously until your lover arrives. A good dinner is optional depending on the results of your shopping spree you may opt to feed as you knead. Find a clean, comfy surface, plop your lover on her belly, and have at it.

    Tiy the techniques in your massage book and add a few of your own. People and methodologies are just too diverse. We do this by using one type of energy: embarrassment, anxiety, fear, etc. By agreeing to be submissive to you, your partner gives you permission to channel her emotional reactions into sexuality. As her dominant, your mission is to control the flow and intensity of her emotions.

    You let her emote sexually as you press the buttons that keep her off balance. With her equilibrium disturbed and you controlling her environment, sensations, and movement, she will look to you for stability and security. Even though you are the one causing her distress, as long as you act confident, keep her safe, and erotically stimulated, your control will increase and the session will become more intense. Spontaneity is wonderful for romance, yet, in SM, we often plan scenes with scrupulous attention to detail.

    We often discuss exactly what we are going to do and why each one wants to do it. This excessive chatter would seem to stomp all over spontaneity, but somehow, it still works! One key to this is anticipation, a great tool. Keep your submissive nervous as hell. It can have an unnerving effect on the dominant, too. Keep some Rolaids around for those uniquely scary stunts. We call this anticipation instead of worry even though the two are closely related. There are two kinds of worrying a submissive can do.

    He has to do all he can to quell those other concerns by letting her know she is loved and lusted after, and that he is capable and trustworthy. The following cartoon illustrates a dominant instilling the good, productive kind of anticipation. Next week sometime. Yes, I will.